we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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