before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
