Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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