Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
