i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
