You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
