Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
