My hand turned me down
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
