Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
