im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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