Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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