we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize