Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
