I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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