Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
