i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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