OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
