Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
