Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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