How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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