I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
