You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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