allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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