Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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