if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
