just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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