I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
