my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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