He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When are your genitals available?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize