I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
