"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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