There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We talked him into tasing himself.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
soo... how was my night?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize