STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
