he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
