I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
