i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize