The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
