He uses pillows to masturbate.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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