I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
