so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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