Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
