why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
