just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
