She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
