Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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