oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I deserve this hangover.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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