my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize