I hate all girls vehemently.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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