Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
