guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
