who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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