no, he came in my armpit
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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