Can Purell be used as lube?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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