I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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