News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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