Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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