I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
