I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
