i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
