Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
