I wanna bring you to show and tell
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
