i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
