I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
