Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
