paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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