You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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