Can Purell be used as lube?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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