Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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