he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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