I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize