yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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