Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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