She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
