You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am naked and annoyed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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