you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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