Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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