You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
