she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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