Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
