you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
