So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
