why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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