i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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