This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
