Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Randomize
