How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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