I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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