the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
