I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm always down for nudity.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
