i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
