True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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