butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Buhtt sex?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
