When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
