Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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