Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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