HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
