so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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