Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
