i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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