Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
