Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
