Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
