Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
